I remember the exact moment I decided to launch my first big project. My hands were
shaking so badly I could barely type. I had spent months pouring my heart and soul into it,
but as I hovered my mouse over the “publish” button, a tidal wave of fear washed over me.
The voices in my head were deafening. What if I fail? What if no one cares? But the loudest,
most paralyzing voice was the one that whispered, What will people think?
I pictured former colleagues, old friends, and even family members scrolling past my
announcement, rolling their eyes, and thinking, “Who does she think she is?” The fear of
being judged—of people thinking the worst of me—was so intense it felt like a physical
weight pinning me to my chair. It kept me small. It kept me safe. And it kept me from ever
taking a real risk on myself.
For years, this fear was my silent partner in life. It dictated my choices, silenced my ideas,
and held me back from chasing what I truly wanted. But a life lived in the shadows of other
people’s potential opinions is not a life lived at all. My journey to overcome fear and start
dealing with judgment wasn’t a single, heroic leap; it was a series of small, defiant steps. If
you’re standing on the edge of your own “what’s next,” terrified of the fall, I want to share the
story of how I learned to let go and step boldly into what’s next.
The Two Fears That Hold Us Hostage
When we dig beneath the surface of our anxieties, we often find two fundamental fears
running the show: the fear of failure and the fear of judgment. They are deeply intertwined.
We’re not just afraid of failing; we’re afraid of what others will think of us when we do. This
is what keeps us from applying for the dream job, starting the business, or leaving the
relationship we’ve outgrown.
I had to learn a critical lesson: these fears are designed to protect you, but they are protecting
you from a threat that is mostly imaginary. The judgment you fear is a story you are telling
yourself. You are casting other people as harsh critics in a play you are directing in your own
mind. Freeing yourself begins with the realization that you are the one holding the script.
Gaining self-confidence isn’t about eliminating fear; it’s about learning to act in spite of it.
Strategies to Reclaim Your Power and Move Forward
Overcoming this deep-seated fear wasn’t about waking up one day and suddenly being brave.
It was about building a toolkit of new mindsets and practices that gave me the strength to
move forward, even when I was scared. This is what worked for me.
Give People Permission to Misunderstand You
This was the biggest unlock for my personal growth. I spent so much energy trying to
manage how people perceived me. I wanted everyone to see my good intentions, approve of
my choices, and cheer for my success. The reality is, you can’t control what other people think. They will view your actions through the filter of their own experiences, insecurities,and beliefs.
Someone will always think you’re too loud, too quiet, too ambitious, or not ambitious
enough. You can be the most delicious, ripe peach in the world, and there will still be
someone who hates peaches. It is not your job to convince them to like peaches.
The Practice: I started using a mantra: “Their opinion of me is not my business.” When I
found myself spiralling, wondering what someone thought, I would repeat this to myself. It’s
a practice of release. It’s about allowing people to have their conclusions about you and
choosing not to get upset. You are giving them the freedom to think what they want, and in
doing so, you are giving yourself the freedom to live as you are.
Redefine “Failure” as “Feedback”
My fear of failure was rooted in the idea that a single misstep would be a permanent stain on
my record. I viewed failure as an end-point, a final judgment on my capability. This mindset
makes it impossible to take risks.
The Practice: I intentionally reframed the concept. Failure is not an identity; it’s data. If I
launch a project and it doesn’t work, it’s not because I am a failure. It’s because the market
needed something different, my messaging was off, or my timing was wrong. It’s simply
feedback.
Think of it like a scientist running an experiment. If a hypothesis is proven wrong, the
scientist doesn’t throw in the towel and declare themselves a “failed scientist.” They analyze
the data, form a new hypothesis, and run a new experiment. Every “no,” every closed door,
and every misstep is just information guiding you toward what will work.
Focus on “Who,” Not “What”
When I was stuck in fear, my “what if” statements were always negative: “What if I fail?”
“What if I go broke?” “What if they laugh at me?” I learned to flip the script by focusing on
the “who”—the person I wanted to become.
The Practice: I started asking a different set of questions.
“Who do I want to be a year from now?”
“What would a person with courage and self-belief do in this situation?”
“Will this action move me closer to or further away from the person I want to
become?”
This shifted my focus from avoiding negative outcomes to moving toward a positive identity.
Taking the risk was no longer just about the project’s success; it was an act of becoming the
kind of person who takes risks. Even if the project failed, I still won, because I had become a
little more of the person I wanted to be.
Create a “Board of Directors”
The fear of judgment often gives equal weight to everyone’s opinion, from your closest
mentor to a random stranger on the internet. Your mind doesn’t differentiate. You have to do
it manually.
The Practice: I consciously chose my “Board of Directors”—a small group of 3-5 people
whose opinions I truly value. These are people who know me, support me, and have my best
interests at heart. When I feel the fear of judgment creeping in, I ask myself, “Is this person
on my board?” If the answer is no, I consciously downgrade the importance of their opinion.
This practice helps you filter the noise and focus on the voices that actually matter.
Your Invitation to Step Boldly
That day, staring at the “publish” button, I took a deep breath. I thought about the person I
wanted to become. I gave everyone permission to think whatever they wanted, and I accepted
that failure would just be feedback. I clicked the button.
The world didn’t end. Some people celebrated with me. Some didn’t notice. A few probably
did judge me. And it was all okay. Because in that moment, I had chosen myself. I had
stepped out of the shadows and into the arena. That is the true meaning of success.
Your next chapter is waiting for you. It is calling for you to be brave, to trust yourself, and to
let go of the weight of other people’s thoughts. This is your invitation to sign up for
something greater for yourself—a life where you are the author of your own story, not a
character in someone else’s.
If this story resonates with you, and you’re ready to overcome your own fears and step into
your power, I invite you to join our community. It’s a space where we cheer each other on as
we take our own bold steps.
Join the Bossin & Blooming Community Here and let’s find our courage, together.https://bossinandblooming.com/membership-levels/